The Paradox of Purpose: Stop Chasing “Big” and Start Living “True”

I just read a Psychology Today piece called “The Paradox of Purpose” by Jordan Grumet, M.D. (Jan/Feb 2026). It hit me right in the chest.

Because so many of us are doing this:

We’re trying to “find our purpose” like it’s a hidden treasure.

One perfect thing.

One big mission.

One life-defining answer.

And if we don’t have it?

We start to feel behind.

Confused.

Not enough.

The article even names this as “purpose anxiety.” The stress, frustration, and even sadness that can show up when we can’t figure out our purpose.

And here’s the twist:

The pressure to have a grand purpose can make you feel worse… not better.

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Why “Big Purpose” Can Backfire

A lot of people think purpose has to be bold and impressive.

Start a company.

Write a book.

Change the world.

Do the thing that makes everyone clap.

And yes—those goals can be inspiring.

But they can also be hard to reach, slow to unfold, and tied to things you can’t fully control. Timing. money. luck. health. other people.

So you end up waiting to feel meaningful.

Waiting to feel alive.

Waiting for the “big thing” to happen.

That waiting can turn into burnout.

Or a constant sense of “I’m not there yet.”

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The Shift: “Little Purpose”

This is the part I love.

The article talks about a different kind of purpose. Not the grand, headline-worthy kind.

More like little purpose.

Little purpose is found in the small moments that light you up.

The day-to-day stuff that makes you feel present.

The things that make you feel like you.

Not because it’s productive.

Not because it’s impressive.

Because it’s real.

Little purpose is:

✔️ calling the friend and actually listening

✔️ making something with your hands

✔️ moving your body and feeling your strength

✔️ mentoring someone

✔️ cooking a simple meal and enjoying it

✔️ having one brave conversation

✔️ showing up for your kid, your team, your partner… as yourself

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Little purpose is what brings you back to life.

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This Fits What I See Every Day

In my work, I meet high-achieving people who look successful on paper… and still feel empty.

Not because they’re doing life wrong.

But because they’ve been trained to measure meaning by outcomes.

So we end up chasing:

✔️ the next milestone

✔️ the next title

✔️the next goal

✔️ the next “proof”

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And we miss the simpler truth:

Purpose isn’t something you find. It’s something you practice.

Not once.

Over and over.

In small ways.

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Your Inner Wisdom Knows

Here’s a question I ask a lot:

When do you feel most alive?

Not “when do you feel most productive?”

Not “when do you feel most impressive?”

Alive.

Your body will usually answer faster than your brain.

You’ll notice:

✔️ more breath

✔️ more calm

✔️ more warmth

✔️ more energy

✔️ more “yes” inside

That’s your inner compass.

And it tends to point toward little purpose first.

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A Simple Exercise: “Alive Moments”

Try this for the next 7 days.

Once a day, write down:

1. One moment I felt even 5% more alive today was:

2. What was I doing?

3. What value was present? (connection, creativity, learning, service, freedom, truth, calm, etc.)

That’s it.

By day 7, you’ll have a map.

Not of your grand destiny.

But of what matters.

What feeds you.

What steadies you.

And that’s where purpose starts.

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Another Exercise: The “Little Purpose Menu”

Make a short list called: My Little Purpose Menu

Pick 10 things. Keep them small. Keep them honest.

Examples:

✔️ 10-minute walk without my phone

✔️ 5 minutes of watercolor or doodling

✔️ texting one person love

✔️ clearing one surface in my home

✔️ music in the car with the windows cracked

✔️ one hard convo I’ve been avoiding (with kindness)

✔️ one boundary that protects my energy

✔️ reading 3 pages of something that feeds me

✔️ cooking one real meal

✔️ stretching before bed

Then, when you feel lost or flat, don’t “figure out your purpose.”

Pick one item.

Do it today.

That’s purpose in motion.

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What If You Still Want the Big Purpose?

Great.

You’re allowed.

But here’s the healthier order:

Start with little purpose. Build from there.

Little purpose is the daily fuel.

Big purpose is the long arc.

If you only chase the long arc, you can burn out.

If you practice the daily fuel, you stay connected.

And from that place, the bigger picture often shows up naturally.

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A Reframe I Love

Instead of asking:

“What is my purpose?”

Try asking:

✔️ “What brings me back to myself?”

✔️ “What do I want to practice this season?”

✔️ “What matters today?”

✔️ “What am I avoiding that would actually free me?”

✔️ “Where am I alive, even in a small way?”

Those questions don’t pressure you.

They guide you.

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Your Purpose Doesn’t Need to Be Grand to Be Real

Let’s make this simple:

If you’re waiting to feel purposeful “someday,” you’ll miss your life.

Purpose is not a finish line.

It’s a daily relationship.

And the smallest moments count.

They count a lot.

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